The Death That Changed My Life

I recently read some FTWMs’ blogs on why they could not be a SAHM.  Alas, they all sounded so familiar!  

I was an ambitious career woman prior to having AJ.  I enjoyed my job. I had a supportive boss who was my mentor for 5 years. I had a wonderful team of colleagues whom I worked closely with. I had a good salary to draw on. I climbed the corporate ladder & had a career path.

Staying at home, looking after my child was never in mind.  I love having a career, it was a sense of self-achievement.  In fact, I was 1 of the selected candidates to be groomed for next promotion.  I was also earning more than the father then, so it did not make economic sense for me to quit my job to look after a little one.

My combined 4-month maternity leave & 1-month annual leave was a confirmation to me that I could not quit my job to take care of my child.  That period was a nightmare.  AJ was a difficult child – making him sleep & drink could drive anyone nut.  He took a long time to sleep & he took a long time to drink.  My patience ran dry, post-natal blue crept in.  I could not imagine myself facing this baby 24/7 within the 4 walls.  Suddenly, I felt so disconnected with the world out there. I wanted to escape from these, it was scary to think that I would be locking myself out from the world.  No way! I had to get back to work!

However, the internal battle never stopped. My pastor had always encouraged all mothers to stay at home looking after their own children.  It was his conviction (still is) & he constantly preached about this.  His ‘nagging’ never left me.

So I planned for my return to work. BUT, her death came. The death that changed my life. You may  read about this matter here.  This month marks her 6th death anniversary too. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die (Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2 KJV)

So here I am, a WAHM.  This was how the Lord has shaped my path. One can only have peace obeying God's Will. 

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  1. Must be really hard to lose someone so close to you. We lost my dad-in-law 1 year ago and still miss him. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Big hugzzz for you, Jenn! Live your life to full, am sure that's what your mum wants to see. Stay positive ya :-)


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